


dreaming with eyes wide open

by lionofsounis



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but i tripped myself on purpose, its like ive fallen and i cant get up, ive made a terrible mistake, thats what it feels like to watch this movie 4 times in 3 days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-04 02:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15831930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionofsounis/pseuds/lionofsounis
Summary: “reading is dreaming with eyes wide open”or; five times peter interrupted lara jean’s book and the one time he didn’t





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) GUESS WHOS ON THE NEW BULLSHIT
> 
> anyway I hope this is close to the appropriate level of softness that both peter and lara jean deserve. kitty snuck in here a lot cuz she’s my favourite
> 
> this is 100% movieverse bc I haven’t read the books bc I hear tell that these 2 break up again and i do not have the Emotional Capacity to deal with that
> 
> also ive never written the 5+1 format bc every time I try they get way too long and this is still way too long but im posting it anyway have mercy on me a sinner

o n e

 

Lara Jean isn’t used to having a boyfriend. Maybe if it were a real boyfriend and not a fake boyfriend, it would be easier to remember, but it isn’t, so she doesn’t.

 

They’ve only been dating – “dating” – for a week or two, but Peter has taken to showing up at her house unannounced.

 

All right, that’s not fair. Peter texts her, or tells her in a note, but she doesn’t take Peter seriously, so by the time school is over and lacrosse practice has finished, she’s forgotten all about her fake love life and is usually buried in homework or a third of the way into a new book. Her dad and Kitty think its cute how Peter comes to rescue her from her homework, stealing her away to fabulous parties, grand dinners, or romantic rendezvous. Lara Jean thinks it’s silly, because the fabulous parties are teenagers playing beer pong, the grand dinners are Peter stealing her fries at the café, and the romantic rendezvous are them going for a drive and complaining about which movies the other hasn’t seen. But she puts up with it because no one – not even smarty pants Lara Jean Song Covey – actually _wants_ to do homework.

 

When Peter interrupts her books, it’s another story, however.

 

The first time it happens, he rings the doorbell and Kitty answers with a delighted squeal that Lara Jean can hear all the way up in her room. She’s concerned with how attached Kitty is already, so she decides to play it cool and keep reading, which is what she wants to do anyway.

 

Unbeknownst to her, a charmingly (or disturbingly) domestic scene is playing out in the kitchen below her. Her father greets Peter with a handshake and a grin, and Kitty gives him a fist bump.

 

“Lara Jean’s in her room, if you want to head up there,” Dr Covey says, and Peter swallows hard.

 

He’s never been in Lara Jean’s room before. He’s not sure why it makes him nervous but it does. Almost like the first time he’d been in Gen’s – no, he shoves the thought away. It’s not the same because Gen was his real girlfriend and Lara Jean is his fake girlfriend.

 

“Dinner’s in an hour, if you’d like to stay,” Dr Covey continues, and Peter nods, starting to turn away. “Tell Lara Jean to leave the door open.”

 

“Of course,” Peter says, sounding confident.

 

There’s a tiny bit of pink in his cheeks anyway.

 

“I’ll show you where it is!” Kitty says, practically bouncing with excitement. She tugs Peter all the way up the stairs, and his laughter should warn Lara Jean that he’s coming except that she’s far too involved in her novel to still be listening for him or Kitty.

 

Beaming, Kitty deposits him at Lara Jean’s door, which is already slightly ajar. Peter gives Kitty a thankful nod, then knocks faintly, creaking the door open with his other hand. “Hey Covey,” he says. “You forget I was coming?”

 

Lara Jean looks up from her book in confusion, a cute little frown settling between her brows. “Oh. Oh! Hi Peter.”

 

“Hi,” he says again.

 

“How was practice?”

 

“Good. Boring. The usual. Hey, can I come in?”

 

“Oh! Uh, sure.” Lara Jean shifts on her bed, settling herself awkwardly on the edge, rather than curled up around her pillow with her book like she was when he arrived.

 

Peter wanders in, not hiding his fascination with her living space. It feels surprising and comfortingly familiar all at the same time. He starts to say something about it, but Lara Jean clears her throat. “Kitty, I know you’re still there. Stop eavesdropping and go away!”

 

There’s a muffled “crap” from the hallway, followed by a scampering of feet. Peter pokes his head back out the door to see a flurry of brown hair escaping around the corner.

 

“Coast is clear,” he says. “For now, anyway.”

 

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “Sorry about Kitty. She’s really excited about… you.”

 

Peter gives her a lopsided grin. “She has good taste.”

 

Lara Jean gives him a withering look in return. “More like she thinks my life is depressing and lonely even though it’s _not._ But whatever makes you feel better.”

 

Peter grins again, then gets distracted by something hanging on her wall. He steps toward it and trips over a sweater on the floor.

 

“And sorry about the mess,” Lara Jean adds, sounding embarrassed.

 

“It’s fine,” Peter says. “I hang out in the guys’ locker room everyday. Trust me, I’ve seen worse.”

 

Lara Jean looks relieved, and Peter peers closely at the pictures on her wall, then spins a slow circle to take in everything else: the fairy lights draped across the far wall, the banner of coloured tassels, the pictures and art that cover literally every available scrap of wall space. He counts at least five vintage lamps, and there’s a swing chair in the corner. There are clothes and pillows and books everywhere (there’s a whole shelf devoted to Lara Jean’s vintage Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys collection, which is funny because here Peter was thinking she was strictly a romance nerd). His favourite part, though, has to be the wall behind her bed: greenish-blue, with vines and flowers painted all over it.

 

“Still,” Lara Jean is saying, “I should clean it. My sister told me to before she left for college and I still haven’t done it.”

 

“Nah, I like it,” Peter says, settling on the end of her bed like he’s been there a thousand times. “It’s very… Lara Jean.”

 

She makes a face like he’s making fun of her and he huffs in exasperation. “Calm down, Covey, it’s a compliment. You know, like before seeing it, I couldn’t have guessed what it would look like but now it’s like, ‘of course it looks like that. That’s Lara Jean.’”

 

Lara Jean doesn’t look like she believes him, but she lets it go. “What are you doing here, Kavinsky? Aside from interrupting my book, I mean.”

 

He makes that face that he always does when he’s offended. “Um, being your boyfriend?”

 

“Fake boyfriend.”

 

“Tomayto, tomahto.”

 

“Because if you were my real boyfriend, you’d know better than to interrupt my book.”

 

He does not have the grace to look apologetic, or even surprised, which would’ve made it kind of acceptable because it would say he just didn’t know any better. Instead, he looks almost amused, picking up the novel she’s lain aside and investigating it like he might actually want to read it. He gives her an audacious wink.

 

“Good thing I’m not your real boyfriend then.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the comments and kudos on part 1!!!! you're all lovely.
> 
> also ftr i am terrible at finishing multichapter fics but yall are in luck cuz i made myself write the whole thing before i posted it

t w o

 

As retaliation for taking her to a party when she really needed to make cupcakes, Peter agrees to bake cookies with her on a Saturday afternoon. Lara Jean’s found a recipe on Pinterest that she wants to try and while Peter’s not really sure that Earl Grey tea belongs in cookies, he’s always up for free food.

 

He’s a little concerned though, because some part of his brain doesn’t seem to know their relationship is fake, and keeps suggesting he take a picture of Lara Jean all covered in flour for his Instagram.

 

 _The relationship_ is _fake,_ he repeats to himself, and it’s odd because the thought feels… disappointing. He reminds himself that he can still take the picture for the purposes of keeping up appearances, and that lightens the feeling somehow.

 

When he arrives at the Coveys’ though, Lara Jean isn’t in the kitchen as expected. Kitty answers the door, happy to see him, as always, and motions him in with an unnecessarily dramatic wave of her hand.

 

“Hey, Little LJ. Where’s your sister?”

 

“Oh, you know Lara Jean,” Kitty says, like she’s trying out for the part of the exasperated mother in a school play. “Probably lost in a book.”

 

Peter quirks an eyebrow and feels his mouth twitch. “I see,” he says slowly, trying not to laugh.

 

Kitty heaves a sigh and deflates, flopping onto the couch. “She’s upstairs. You know the way.”

 

“You gonna help us make cookies today?” he asks, without thinking.

 

She sits bolt upright, grinning. “Can I?” Then she scowls. “No, I don’t want to be the third wheel. That’s gross.”

 

“Third wheel? Nah, you’re cool, come on.”

 

“Nope, I’m going to go to my room and leave you two to your own devices.” With that, she stands, moving serenely to the staircase. She pauses at the foot, “but call me when they’re done cuz I’ll definitely help you eat them.”

 

“Of course,” Peter laughs, and he jogs up the stairs behind her.

 

They part ways at the top and Peter knocks on Lara Jean’s door.

 

“Come in,” comes her muffled voice from the other side.

 

When he enters, she’s laying on her bed with her head hanging off the end, raising her book to the ceiling as she reads. It looks wildly uncomfortable and completely ridiculous and is therefore, utterly endearing. He notes with no little satisfaction that Lara Jean’s hair is loose from her usual ponytail, the dark, smooth locks brushing the floor as she shifts to look at him.

 

“Hey,” she says.

 

He tilts his head in a futile attempt to look at her right side up. “Covey, there is no way that’s comfortable.”

 

“You’d be surprised,” she quips.

 

He raises an eyebrow.

 

She rolls over, no doubt meaning to get up gracefully, but instead she half-tumbles off the bed and into a pile of clothes.

 

“I’d be surprised, huh?”

 

“It’s not uncomfortable,” she says, pushing hair out of her face with a sputter. “But it’s also not sustainable.”

 

“Fair enough,” he admits. “Good thing you’ve got all this crap on the floor to break your fall, though.”

 

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Lara Jean grumbles.

 

“Or was I just not supposed to see it?”

 

“Oh shut up.”

 

“Okay, fine, subject change. Are we making cookies or what?”

 

“Yeah,” Lara Jean says, but she sounds hesitant.

 

Sometimes Peter could stamp his foot in frustration. “Don’t try backing out on me again, Covey, you know it never works.”

 

“Haha,” she says humourlessly, “I just wanted to finish this chapter is all.”

 

Peter feels something loosen in his shoulders. He knows, suddenly, and with jarring clarity, that the image of Lara Jean upside down on her bed, her hair and room a mess, completely engrossed in _Little Women_ , is going to stay with him for a long time.

 

Maybe even forever.

 

“Okay,” he hears himself say, and Lara Jean looks as surprised as he feels. But he doesn’t show it.

 

“Okay?” she echoes.

 

“Yeah, sure. We’ve got all day. Just… do your thing and I’ll… I dunno, hang out. Wait.”

 

“What will you do?”

 

“Hey, I know how to read too.”

 

“I’ve never seen you do it.”

 

“Girl, you don’t get an B in Lit without reading. Which means you don’t stay on the lacrosse team without reading.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“Yeah.” He picks a book from one of her shelves, making show of how little he's thinking about his choice, when in reality he knows exactly what he's doing. “Is this…” he scans the cover, “—Jane Austen chick any good?”

 

Lara Jean gives him a look like he just asked if the earth revolves around the sun. He grins. For someone who’s so smart, she can be awfully dense sometimes. As if he’d forget her rambling on about _Pride and Prejudice_ all the way to school last week. Unbelievable.

 

He searches for a clear space on the floor, and finds one at the foot of her bed. He plops down and cracks open the novel. Lara Jean eyes him warily, then settles back in for her own book. He notices that she glances at him from time to time, probably making this whole process take longer than it should.

 

She doesn’t notice that he glances back.

 

He unsettles her when he lets out a laugh at the first line of _Pride and Prejudice._ Lara Jean jumps and looks at him like he’s crazy. “You didn’t tell me she was funny,” he says. He reads the line aloud. “That’s funny.”

 

She squints like she can’t tell if he’s serious or not, then turns her attention to her book. Peter smirks and keeps reading.

 

It all goes swimmingly until Peter begins to suspect she’s read past the end of the chapter. “Psst,” he hisses at her.

 

“Mm,” is all the response he gets.

 

“Are you done?” He’s still whispering for some reason.

 

“Mm,” she says again.

  
  
“Covey, come on.” When he doesn’t get a reply, he pokes her cheek and she swats him away. “Lara Jean,” he singsongs, “we have cookies to make.”

 

“Just one more page.”

 

He huffs, and waits exactly two seconds before poking her again. She glares at him. “One more page, Kavinsky.”

 

So Peter puts his chin in his hands and stares at her as she turns the page. He can see the end of the chapter about three quarters down, but she can feel his eyes on her and she gets distracted by glaring at him again.

 

“What is your problem?”

 

“Daddy want cookies,” he says, grinning at her horrified expression.

 

There’s a beat of complete silence.

 

 _“Never_ ,” she tells him, finally, "say that again."

 

He laughs. “I do though. Also I promised Kitty could eat some, and I kind of expect her to come beat me up if they’re not ready soon.”

 

Lara Jean tosses her book aside without finishing the last page. “Well, why didn’t you say so? I don’t want to get in the way of Kitty and her snacks either.”

 

“I knew you’d understand.”

 

She shakes her head and rolls off the bed again, this time making no excuses for her lack of grace. There’s a clunk from whatever she lands on. “Ow.”

 

“You know Covey, if we ever fake move in together, you’re going to have to learn to clean up after yourself.”

 

“Let’s just make the damn cookies, okay?”

 

He chuckles, reaching out a hand like he needs her help to get up. She takes it and pulls him to his feet. As they leave, he tucks _Pride and Prejudice_ under his arm.

 

“By the way, I’m borrowing your book, Covey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reused the 'for someone so smart...' line because its cute and also bc i imagine peter thought that a lot of times before he got frustrated enough to say it out loud lmao
> 
> if u didn't catch it:  
> lara jean is reading little women bc apparently her character was based on beth march (am i crying? absolutely)  
> threw p&p in there cuz jane austen's my fave  
> ben wyatt saying 'daddy want pie' was in my brain while i wrote this


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for all the comments and kudos i love u all v much

t h r e e

 

Whenever Lara Jean says the word ‘fake’ or talks about when they won’t be together anymore, Peter’s heart squeezes painfully. It takes him a little while to put a name to it, but the feeling is an all too familiar heartbreak.

 

Eventually he has to admit it to himself: he’s not doing this to make Gen jealous anymore. And he’s not hanging out with Lara Jean to keep up appearances. He’s hanging out with Lara Jean because he likes hanging out with Lara Jean.

 

He _likes_ Lara Jean.

 

He dated Gen for so long that he’d sort of forgotten the particular kind of hurt that comes with liking someone who doesn’t like you back. The part of you that’s head over heels in love is ecstatic – even if you’re not romantically together, it’s exhilarating just to be in their presence. It makes you feel like you’re dreaming the best dream and you never want to wake up. But then there’s the other part. The part that feels like your soul is slowly being crushed and scraped out of you with a scalpel, piece by painful piece. And each day is a roller coaster of flip-flopping between the two extremes.

 

Now that he’s admitted to liking Lara Jean for real – at least to himself – Peter’s getting in the habit of being honest with himself. So he can also admit that he wants to see her all the time. He can _also_ admit, however, that their relationship is still technically fake, so he needs to work overtime with excuses to see her. Homework almost always does the trick.

 

They make arrangements to work on their Lit homework after his lacrosse practice, and as usual, he shows up at the Covey residence and makes his way up to Lara Jean’s room. She’s actually cleared space for them to work (which he’s pretty sure means she’s shoved a bunch of crap under her bed and the rest into her closet) and they sit cross-legged on the floor with papers and binders and school library copies of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ spread out around them. Peter isn’t surprised to see that while his binder is neatly organized, and his papers in orderly stacks, Lara Jean’s are soon scattered all over the place. At least a dozen sticky tabs shoot out haphazardly from different pages of her novel, and she’s looking for a specific quote with a frown on her face.

 

Peter, meanwhile, is trying to work on his paper. He’s okay at Lit, and even okay at writing, but something in his second body paragraph just isn’t working. It sounds dumb when he reads it and it makes him feel dumb that he can’t fix it.

 

He likes Lara Jean, but he doesn’t like feeling dumb, and he often feels dumb around her.

 

It takes him longer than it should to realize that he could just ask her to help. He supposes maybe it’s because when Gen used to ‘help’ him with his papers, they’d just end up making out without getting anything done.

 

Somehow he doesn’t think that’ll happen with Lara Jean.

 

“Hey, Covey, when you find whatever you’re looking for, can you read this paragraph for me? It doesn’t make sense but I’ve read it so many times that it's starting to look like the Russian alphabet.”

 

When she doesn’t respond, he glances over to see her still frowning at her own book, seemingly unaware that he’s spoken at all. He gives her a moment or two, then asks again, and again receives no response.

 

“Ugh,” he groans, flopping backwards onto the floor with his hand over his eyes. “You’re killing me over here, Lara Jean.”

 

She looks up, blinking. “What?”

 

“It’s like you travel to a different plane of existence when you’re reading.”

 

“Sorry,” Lara Jean says, and he can hear the smile in her voice. She continues sheepishly, “I was looking for a specific quote to use in my paper but then I just… kept reading.”

 

That, Peter thinks, would be adorable if he weren’t so exasperated. He rolls his eyes under his hand and thrusts the paper at her without looking. “Can you fix this to make me sound less dumb? The second paragraph.”

 

There’s a crinkle as she takes the paper, followed by silence. “It sounds fine to me,” she says after a minute or two.

 

“Okay, but fine is not the same as _good._ How do I make it sound good?”

 

There’s silence again as she rereads it. “It _is_ good, Peter. The only thing I’d change is the order of these two sentences.”

 

“What?” He sits up with a frown and scoots next to her.

 

She reads the sentences aloud the way he’s written them, then again in the reverse order. He squints at his writing and thinks it over. Despite its simplicity, her way is a vast improvement.

 

“Wow,” he says, “that is better. You’re a genius, Covey.” His traitorous brain tells him that if their relationship weren’t fake, now would be an appropriate time to kiss her on the cheek.

 

“I only switched a couple sentences,” she says, but she’s smiling anyway. “That’s hardly genius level.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s so simple,” he protests, moving back to his previous spot just in case his brain gets any more ideas about kissing. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I’m an idiot.”

 

“Why do you always do that?” Lara Jean blurts, and when he frowns confusedly at her, he thinks she might be blushing.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Say I’m smarter than you.”

 

“Well,” he says comfortably, “cuz you are.”

 

She rolls her eyes. “No, I’m just better at Lit than you. It doesn’t mean I’m smarter.”

 

“I’m pretty sure it does.”

 

“There’s more to life than being book smart,” she says.

 

“You sound like my mom.”

 

Her facial expression seems to say that she knows and doesn’t necessarily relish the idea. “I’m right, though.”

 

“As always.”

 

She tosses a pillow at him.

 

“Come on,” he says, snatching it out of the air. “You know I’m just a dumb jock.”

 

Lara Jean rips the pillow back from him with surprising vehemence. “Peter Kavinsky,” she says, “you are _not_ dumb.” She whacks him with the pillow, _hard._ “And as your fake girlfriend, I ban you from saying you are.”

 

He snorts.

 

“Don’t make me add it to the contract, Kavinsky. Besides, you told me you had a B in Lit.”

 

It’s a joke. She’s making a joke. Just like he was (mostly) joking about being dumb. But something about her tone makes his insides feel warm and fuzzy. He tugs on the pillow and she practically falls on top of him. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it, Covey?”

 

“Beat you with this pillow, obviously.” But when she tries to get it back, his grip is too strong. Scowling, she dives for another, whapping it against the back of his head as he sits up.

 

“Okay, you know what?” he says, getting to his feet. “It’s on.”

 

If he’d had his choice, Peter would have derailed their study session with kissing, but as it is, a giggly, noisy, immature pillow fight is still pretty good. He’s sure the noise is carrying down the hall and he gets that joyous, exhilarated feeling that being in love with Lara Jean gives him, and he’s so caught up in the moment that the soul-crushing sadness doesn’t hit him till much later, when he’s laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and smiling to himself because he’s thinking of her.

 

Lara Jean doesn’t realize till later either. She’s staring at the ceiling, thinking about Peter and the pillow fight, unaware that she's smiling, and the thought comes to her as if from someone else’s brain.

 

If she didn’t know better, she’d say they sounded just like a real couple.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i literally hate thinking about the fact that they were broken up for a full month

f o u r

 

Lara Jean doesn’t realize how often Peter interrupts her reading time until they break up and he isn’t there to do it anymore.

 

Except that… he still does, sort of. On New Year’s Day, she realizes she hasn’t finished a single book over Christmas break. At first she thinks its because Margot’s been home and she’s been spending quality time with her family, but when she really considers it, she starts counting up all the times she’s picked up a book and set it down again without getting more than a few pages in.

 

Because she’s thinking about Peter.

 

She wants to be annoyed, and part of her certainly is: he’s finally stopped interrupting her, and yet he’s still interrupting her. The other, much larger part of her, is sort of happy. It’s a bittersweet kind of happy. She misses him. A lot. But she likes thinking about him, even if it hurts, and she likes knowing that he’s still there in a way, up to his usual nonsense.

 

She likes it so much that when they first get back together, Lara Jean forgets she should be reading when he comes over and greets him at the front door like a proper girlfriend, which, she supposes, she is.

 

After a while, things balance out. She’s so in love with him that she’s not embarrassed to tackle him with a hug when he walks through the door, and he’s so comfortable with her family that he doesn’t mind inviting himself in and upstairs when she doesn’t – provided he says hello to Kitty and her father on the way. But now she always remembers when he’s coming, and even when he isn’t, she sits listening and hoping he’ll come unannounced.

 

Until she stays home from school with a fever. She’s been in bed all day, alternating between watching historical documentaries on Netflix and trying to read _Crazy Rich Asians._ Peter texts her, even when he’s supposed to be in class, and she’s worried he’ll get his phone taken away and she’ll miss him even more. She keeps checking the time for the end of the school day.

 

But when school finally does let out, she’s asleep.

 

Her book has been slowly sliding out of her grip while she rests, unconscious of the pages that are about to be crushed by the drop to the floor, but Peter arrives just in time. He slides it carefully out of her grip and puts it on the bedside table, hoping not to wake her, but she shifts and snatches after the book with her eyes still closed.

 

“I was reading that,” she mumbles.

 

“Actually, you were sleeping.”

 

Lara Jean cracks one eye open. “Peter?”

 

“Go back to sleep, Lara Jean.”

 

“I told you not to come; you’re going to get sick too.”

 

“And then you can come visit me. Now go back to sleep.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be at school?”

 

Peter looks amused. “Babe, school let out forty-five minutes ago.”

 

Lara Jean squints at her clock. “Oh,” she says, then, “shouldn’t you be at practice?”

 

“No practice today,” Peter says, gently pushing her over to make room for himself beside her. He doesn’t really have enough, and one leg is still dangling off the side of her bed, but he doesn’t mind.

 

“But it’s Wednesday,” Lara Jean protests, leaning into his shoulder anyway.

 

“Is it?”

 

Her head jerks upwards to frown at him. “Peter! Coach is going to kick your ass.”

 

Peter slouches down a little more, making himself comfortable. “Yep.”

 

“Peter!”

 

“Chill, Covey, it’s fine. He’ll yell at me and then he’ll get over it. I won’t do it again.”

 

“What if I’m still sick tomorrow?”

 

“I might do it again,” he amends.

 

“You can’t get kicked off the team because I’m sick.”

 

“I can do whatever I want.”

 

“I’m going to put it in the new contract,” Lara Jean warns.

 

Peter groans. “Fine! I will not skip practice tomorrow no matter how sick you are.”

 

“Good. Then you won’t be interrupting my reading time either.”

 

“You are so full of it, Covey. You were asleep when I came in.”

 

“I was just resting my eyes. I was going to keep reading.”

 

Peter sighs and picks the book back up. “All right, tell me where you left off.”

  
It takes a lot of page flipping and hard thought on Lara Jean’s part, but eventually they find it, and Peter pulls the book away from her again. “I’m not going to lose your page again,” he says when she starts to protest. “Even though technically you did that yourself the first time.”

 

Lara Jean sticks her tongue out at him, but she’s too tired to fight about it.

 

“Now you go back to resting your eyes, as you should –”

 

“But –”

 

“And I’ll read for you.”

 

“Out loud?”

 

“Well yeah.”

 

“You’re going to read to me.”

 

“Yeah, why not?”

 

He doesn’t really get why Lara Jean’s beaming at him like he’s just given her the Hope Diamond but he likes it a whole lot. He likes it even better when she presses her burning cheek to his shoulder and loops her arm around his.

 

“Don’t stop if I fall asleep, okay?”

 

Peter doesn’t understand that either, but it makes his heart knock around his ribcage in the best way and he moves without thinking to kiss the top of Lara Jean’s head. He doesn’t remember till after that he shouldn’t be kissing her, but at the end of the day, it’s just a fever, and he doesn’t suppose there’s many carriers of the illness in her hair.

 

Then he settles back and reads and Lara Jean falls asleep on his shoulder. And when Kitty comes to get them for dinner, they’re both asleep and she tiptoes back down to her father, giggling that “Peter and Lara Jean fell asleep together”.

 

Dr Covey passes a hand over his eyes, hoping she means what he thinks she means, and tries to forget the whole thing.

 

Kitty, meanwhile, giggles for the next twenty-four hours, even when Lara Jean goes back to school the next day and they have to take the bus.

 

Their usual chauffer is at home with a fever. He misses practice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i did not love reading crazy rich asians but i think its important and i like all that representation happening at the same time and i think lara jean would read it so
> 
> shorter chapter this time but i hope you like


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warning:** indistinct/vague spoilers for the book thief in this chapter
> 
> bad habits of mine that have made guest appearances in this story so far:  
> \- ignoring my friends bc i'm reading  
> \- reading in idiotic positions followed by me falling off my bed  
> \- never learning from the aforementioned mistake  
> \- looking for a quote for a paper or assignment or something and accidentally rereading the whole book  
> \- saying I was reading when I was actually sleeping
> 
> bad habits of mine that make a guest appearance in this chapter:  
> \- crying a lot
> 
> anyway, enjoy

f i v e

 

Peter and Lara Jean have a kind of relationship that Peter has never experienced before. Technically he’s had longer relationships (well, one), but with Lara Jean, it’s like they’ve gone out for so long that they don’t always need to plan dates or outings or activities. Sometimes their dates are just the two of them, doing their own separate things in the same room.

 

The room is usually Lara Jean’s, and the setting is usually her bed unless by some miracle there’s enough room for them on the floor, like there is today. Peter’s long legs always seem to take up the whole space, which Lara Jean never fails to complain about, and her hair always gets tangled (often in his fingers) when she lays her head on his stomach, but it’s one of Peter’s favourite places to be regardless.

 

Today Peter is on his phone, texting some of the guys from the lacrosse team, trying in vain to work out their extra practice before the tournament this weekend. Peter just wants to pick the time that works best for everyone, but one of their star players would miss it so some of the others are being difficult. He gets frustrated enough that he drops his phone on the floor and closes his eyes.

 

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but he supposes he does, though he’s not sure for how long. It isn’t a very deep sleep, and he wakes when he hears a loud sniff and feels Lara Jean move. When he opens his eyes, Lara Jean is wiping hers.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he tries to sit up, but her head’s still on him, so he can’t. “Lara Jean, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” she tells him, and rubs her eyes again.

 

“Really? Cuz it does not seem like you’re fine.”

 

“I’m fine,” she says again, and bursts into tears.

 

Peter lifts his hands as if they’re asking what on earth she’s crying about, but Lara Jean doesn’t see because she’s dropped the book on her face to cover up her tears.

 

Like he can’t still hear her weeping.

 

He spends a moment at a loss, looking around her room, and then at her, hoping some explanation will come to him, but none does, and at the end of the day all that really matters is that his girlfriend seems to be heartbroken about something and he wants to fix it. He starts by pulling the book off her face, because he figures that’s not helping anything. He glances at it as he puts it aside. He’s heard of the title but he doesn’t really know what it’s about.

 

“Give that back,” she tells him.

 

“Uh, no.”

 

“I need it.”

 

“What the hell for?”

 

“To hide my gross crying face.”

 

“Okay, first of all, your face is never gross, even when you’re crying. And second of all, the book’s not hiding anything.”

 

She makes a sound that’s part wail, part groan.

 

“Lara Jean,” he begins, then stops. Her hands have replaced the book on her face and she’s still crying.

 

He smooths out some of her tangled hair. “Hey, come on, babe. What happened? What is something at school today? Or something with –”

 

A muffled “no” comes from under her hands.

 

“Then what?”

 

She’s crying too hard to answer.

 

“Dammit, Lara Jean, if you can’t tell me what’s wrong, at least tell me what I can do instead of sitting here like an idiot.”

 

She rolls over and buries her face in his chest, mumbling something he can’t decipher.

 

He drapes his arm over her and rubs his thumb against her shoulder. “What?”

 

He’s pretty sure she says, “I thought you were asleep.”

 

“Well yeah, but I woke up.”

 

“They’re all dead.”

 

_“What?”_

“They’re all dead, Peter, they all died.”

 

“Who died?”

 

“The book!” she wails, and he glances over to _The Book Thief_ laying on the floor next to them.

 

“You’re crying about your book,” he says slowly, processing the information. He regrets it immediately, because he knows ‘it’s only a book’ is a one way ticket to Single Station and he doesn’t want to belittle her feelings. Really, he’s just surprised. He’s seen Lara Jean cry before. He’s even seen her cry over books before. But never like this.

 

Fortunately for him, Lara Jean is far too upset to care what he says. He maneuvers them both up into a sitting position and lets her cry into his shoulder for a long time, stroking her hair and holding her tight. He doesn’t really know what to say because ‘sorry for your loss’ seems like the wrong thing to say about a fictional character, so he doesn’t say anything at all. When she’s finished, she looks up and scrubs at her face.

 

“Sorry,” she says, in a wet voice.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” he replies uncertainly.

 

“Sorry about your shirt too,” she adds, looking at the wet patch on his shoulder.

 

He half-smiles at that. Trust Lara Jean to apologize for something utterly trivial after she’s had a complete emotional breakdown. “It’s fine. Come on, let’s go wash your face. You’ll feel better.”

 

Taking her hand, he leads her down the hall. She splashes cold water on her face in the bathroom and he hands her a towel. Then she sighs, avoiding his eyes. “It was really sad,” she tells him timidly.

 

Peter raises his eyebrows. “Hey, you’re allowed to be upset, Covey.”

 

“Then why are _you_ upset?” she asks.

 

Peter knows he was nervous and flustered while she was crying. He just thought she would be too distracted to notice. “I’m not. I was just surprised, I guess.”

 

“Surprised?”

 

“Not that you were crying over a book, that’s normal. For you. Just… it came out of nowhere and… I’ve never seen you cry like that before,” he takes a deep breath. “I don’t... I don’t like seeing you cry.” His voice comes out soft and whispery for some reason, almost catching in his throat.

 

Lara Jean stares at him, then smiles such a lovely warm smile that he feels himself grin back and for a second they both forget that she was just bawling her eyes out.

 

“Lara Jean?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Peter shifts uncertainly. “I know you don’t mind getting upset over a book, and I’m not judging, but… why do you like reading so much if it makes you this upset?”

 

Lara Jean blinks like she’s never thought about it before. “I… I don’t know. I guess… it’s kind of like daydreaming.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“And daydreaming is nice when you want to think about something else, or when you’re bored, or when you want to be something different than what you are. And when you’re reading, if you’re reading something really good, you kind of get to be the characters, so you don’t have to be you for a while.”

 

Peter wants to interject that Lara Jean Song-Covey is a good thing to be, but he knows that’s not the point, so he keeps quiet.

 

“Sometimes that means it feels like you’ve had an amazing adventure or a crazy romance or something. But other times it means you’re just as sad as the characters are. But you can handle the sad parts because the good parts…” She flashes him a momentarily bright smile. “The good parts feel like you’re dreaming but with your eyes open.” Sighing, she looks down at her hands. “I don’t know if that makes sense.”

 

“It makes perfect sense.”

 

“It does?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

They’re quiet for a moment, both leaning on the counter, lost in thought. Finally Lara Jean huffs loudly and says, “let’s go do something less soul crushing.”

 

“You don’t want to finish your book?”

 

“No, I need a breather before I go through that kind of emotional trauma again.”

 

“Good, cuz I wouldn’t have let you anyway.”

 

“Peter Kavinsky, if you steal my book later –”

 

“I won’t if you promise you won’t finish it before bed. You’ll be too upset to sleep and you’ll be cranky all day tomorrow.”

 

Lara Jean scoffs, offended. “I will not!”

 

“Promise?”

 

She doesn’t look happy about it.

 

“Don’t make me add it to the contract,” Peter says with a cheeky grin.

 

“Fine. I’ll finish it tomorrow.”

 

“All right, I can live with that.”

 

He wakes up the next morning to what seems like a thousand crying emojis in his inbox. _Tell me you didn’t stay up late reading,_ he replies.

 

 _I finished it this morning and I hate my life,_ she texts back.

 

 _I’m sorry for your loss,_ he says, then types a second message. _And that there’s no hug emoji._

She replies with more crying faces.

 

_I think I might have to read this book Covey._

He does. And he only tells Lara Jean, but he cries too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to have lara jean crying over a book and i couldnt think of a sadder book than the book thief so i used that because i have never cried so much in my life to be entirely honest
> 
> anyway, thank you again for the comments and kudos. im posting this chapter late so i'll try post the last chapter/epilogue later today


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we made it to the end fam! ive discovered the other reason i don't write multi chapter fics which is because when all the chapters are finally done i feel like a sad momma whose children have all moved out. :'(
> 
> anyway, please enjoy this one last short but sweet chapter

o n e

 

Peter opens the front door without knocking, choosing instead to call out a “knock, knock” as he peeks in.

 

Kitty appears almost instantaneously, followed by Dr Covey who, as always, greets him with a handshake and a cheerful, “Peter Kavinsky!”

 

They exchange pleasantries (Peter gives Kitty a fistbump and tries to steal whatever she’s snacking on) then Dr Covey smiles and tells him Lara Jean’s in her room, so Peter jogs upstairs. Kitty tries to follow, as usual, but Dr Covey herds her back into the kitchen to help with dinner.

 

Lara Jean’s door is open a crack because she’s expecting him, so he only taps it lightly with his knuckles while entering. She’s on her bed, wearing comfy clothes and her glasses, frowning thoughtfully at whatever she’s reading. Peter smiles and says nothing. He kicks off his shoes before curling up next to her, and she leans her head expectantly to the side so he can press a kiss to her temple. She doesn’t take her eyes off the page even when he wraps his arms around her, studying what she’s reading and trying to figure out what the story’s about.

 

It’s strange – when they’d first started dating (for real), she’d put her book down and beam at him when he came in, or even meet him at the door, and he’d eat it up. Knowing that she couldn’t wait to see him made him feel wanted and loved in a way no one else ever had.

 

But knowing he’s always welcome at her house, being friendly with her dad and sister, slipping into her room as comfortably as if it were his own, the way she expects his kiss and his arms around her, the way they settle together without needing words… Sometimes Peter missed the giddy, heady excitement that began their relationship, but this… this feels like going home at the end of a long day and he thinks he might like that feeling even better.

 

He remembers the time he asked Lara Jean why she liked reading so much and she’d said it was like dreaming with your eyes open. He understood her because being with Lara Jean is kind of like that: there are bad parts, sure, whether it’s little stuff like how messy she is, to the big stuff like the time they broke up. But the bad stuff, no matter what it is, is never enough to make him regret the good stuff: even when they’d been broken up, he couldn’t make himself wish they’d never been together. And when they are together? Well, that’s what Peter would call dreaming with his eyes open.

 

When she reaches a natural break, Lara Jean turns to give him a long, slow kiss on the lips that is definitely worth the wait. “Hi,” she says, when she pulls away.

 

“Hi.”

 

“How was lacrosse?”

 

Peter wrinkles his nose. “Eh, boring. I missed you.”

 

“We saw each other before practice.”

 

“That was two hours ago.”

 

Lara Jean smiles in that way that always tells him he’s being cute. “That’s not very long.”

 

“It’s so long,” he whines, and she pats his arm consolingly. “I bet you’ve read a big chunk of that book in two hours.”

 

Lara Jean looks guiltily at her finished pages – she’s almost a third of the way into her novel. “I started it after school,” she admits, and Peter gives her his best that’s-what-I-thought face.

 

“Oh shut up,” she says without rancor, and he grins, tucking his head onto her shoulder.

 

“Come on,” let’s see what’s going to happen to –” he squints at the book, trying to read the cursive script on the cover. “—Ella next.”

 

“I can stop if you want to do something else.”

 

“Nah, keep going.”

 

“Are you sure? Because –”

 

“Covey, I’m way too exhausted to do anything but cuddle with you, which, luckily, is the only thing I want to do anyway. So unless you’re trying to get rid of me, I’m fine with this.”

 

For a moment, Lara Jean’s expression is unreadable. Then she kisses him softly on the forehead. “I missed you too.”

 

“But I’m home now,” Peter says.

 

She turns back to her book, letting her body sink into his, resting her cheek against his.

 

“Me too,” she says, and she feels him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again. i've had the most delightful time writing this fic, reading your comments, staring at the staggering amount of kudos, and watching this movie for the 5th and 6th times. i love you all, thank you so much for reading.
> 
> (ps i think i got a lot more peter and lara jean stories in me.....)


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